The waiting makes you crazy. Crazy, and moody, and prone to crying jags. Because you just keep thinking about the things you’re about to lose, and how many things could go wrong along the way.
“What will I do if I apply for the visa and get declined?” I’ve wondered aloud once or twice. Because, really, what? There’s no logical reason why this would happen but, left alone with too many thoughts, all about the same things, this is what happens.
Which is why I keep myself so busy.
But then… but then, it’s too much. I got home from an exhausting day of work yesterday, brewed a massive pot of coffee, and started to take on my to do list. Massive, and always growing. Oh, I need to take my mind off of things, but I don’t know if these twenty things I already have to do will suffice. Hey, want me to write you an instructional manual? Hey, maybe I should draw a picture…!
I did draw a picture, actually, at the beginning of this disastrous work week. We couldn’t open the store, and there wasn’t anything for me to do, so I sat down and drew Jack White. You know, like you do.
But that’s a sidenote if ever there was one.
So it’s just me and my massive to do list for a while.
I was going to write my resignation letter tonight maybe. Two weeks’ notice, finishing on the 15th of February. I’d spoken to a couple of people about it, one being my best friend. She agreed that it might be a good idea, even though I don’t have my visa yet, even though I haven’t applied for it yet, even though I’m still missing the one document I need in order to apply for it. I mean, a lot can happen in two weeks! And I could use some time to collect myself before taking myself far away from here. Get all the pieces together.
I knew the one trick would be my Mom, who tapped into my doubts about the entire thing. There needs to be a contrary opinion, and she made some good points. She said wait until I have the visa, but I’ve decided instead on a compromise: wait until I apply for the visa. And the money has been taken for her birth certificate, so surely it’s on its way.
Surely there’s not much more waiting to be done.